Severed Evensong for the Drifting Clown
by PassionandPromise
Summary: "And so the world ended. Not with a bang. A whisper..." The world witnesses it's slow end as the birth of the Fourteenth emerges. But the moments, before, leading up to this... and the battles faced and gone... Will Allen die as the Fourteenth is reborn? Will the world fade to ash as it's reckoning draws closer? Small one-shots, small moments, seconds, in time...
1. Chapter 1

**...**

**Severed Evensong for the Drifting Clown**

And so the world ended, not with a bang, but with a whisper. Allen's whisper.

From all over the world, people looked to the sky, and saw stars.

They rained down over them, shattering like millions of glass fragments upon stone floors. Even the moon weeped, darkness seeping from everywhere as everyone watched the beautiful symphony capturing their eyes, filling their ears.

And there, inside that breath-taking arrangement, Allen sacrificed himself to stop the Fourteenth.

Lavi gripped his hands, tightening his hold on his hammer. Kanda thought he felt rain fall upon his cheeks. The Science Department stared, sorrowful, for even they knew the apparent threat to the Exorcists would eventually die, even if they all secretly hoped for him to live. Komui opened his mouth, about to call out Allen's name, before he realized though his home was here, not even his name was his own. And Lenalee screamed. Because she understood Allen's pain, and wished to stop it, to help him, maybe even save him.

And so the world ended, and the Noah were no more. Everything the Exorcists had fought for, disappeared within the grasp of one boy's hand.

And then the Exorcists were no more.

The world had ended. Not with a bang. With a whisper. A slow, drawn out one that lasted years, and built to a crashing finale.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**

"I'm an idiot," Allen mouthed. Kanda grunted.

"I agree," he grumbled, and Allen looked up slightly through the folded coat Lavi had placed over his shivery shoulders.

"I should never have agreed to come. Of course the Akuma would be drawn here, to me," he mumbled. Beside him, Lavi smirked, patting a comforting hand on his shoulder. The breaths in the crisp air made a furiously cold pattern on his face.

It looked like framed lace.

"It's my fault. I'm sorry."

Kanda noticed the grip around his shoulders tighten. Damn. He knew the kid would be crying.

"It's everyone's fault, Allen," Lavi soothed. "Not just yours." He smiled, trying to cheer the kid up. "Besides, you're the one paying for our stupid mistakes." Allen didn't say anything. Kanda noticed how cold he was, even if he was wearing extra clothing.

"Beansprout, shut up. I can hear you thinking and it's annoying me," he made his voice sound carefully pissed off. He just wanted him to be quiet, and rest. He was worn out enough for the three of them.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let this happen. Sorry," he kept repeating over and over again. Kanda rolled his eyes. He stopped.

The terrain was snowy and it was fucking freezing. There were no villages close by, and with Allen in such bad shape, they couldn't open the Ark. Allen tried, again and again, even though he was bleeding and cold and yet it still didn't open.

He commented once that he thought he was losing control, that the Fourteenth was taking everything away, and once it became too much, once every single fragment of his broken soul had withdrawn, he would not be Allen anymore. He would be something else. It wasn't the first time he said it. It wouldn't be the last, either.

Lavi batted him on the head this time round and told him it was because he was tired and wasn't able to concentrate. That was when they noticed their comms were fizzling in and out of signal.

They were stuck here, until someone noticed they had been gone for too long.

Lavi crossed his arms. Even though he was usually warm, he was feeling the bite of the cold. They wouldn't be able to stand it out here for much longer.

When the Akuma came, no-one expected it. Komui said it would be a visitation, not a battle. So, they weren't exactly expecting an army of Akuma, and even worse, they weren't expecting Allen to be the only one to defeat them. Road appeared while Allen battled. She cackled when he jumped in front of Lavi one too many times.

So Allen hacked away, leaving Kanda both powerless and extremely pissed off with Mugen, and Lavi cheering Allen on when he realized his hammer was duplicating the Akuma, not killing them. They couldn't do scratch. Not on these demons.

Road disappeared, bored, after a while. And once the Akuma were killed, Allen collapsed.

Now, the poor kid was knackered out with one too many wounds to show for it. He couldn't have called up the Ark, not with the way he was, and not without Timcampy.

It almost pissed Kanda off. Almost.

He pulled Allen up closer to his back as the child shivered again. Allen, noticing the shift in weight, seemed to pull back.

"I-I can walk, Kanda. Really-"

"Quit moving that bloody mouth of yours, beansprout," Kanda cut him off. "It's like sandpaper in my ears." Lavi quickly looked between them, seeing Allen's desolate expression and Kanda's harshly crude one. He waved his hands slightly, as if to ward off danger.

"Now, now, Mummy, there's no need to be so mean," he jokingly smiled in Kanda's direction, and Kanda glared at him. Allen closed his eyes, letting his white hair fall over his face. His breath was muffled by Kanda's shoulder.

"You aren't the one carrying a beansprout, you redheaded idiot," he easily muttered back. Lavi rolled his eyes.

"We'll keep walking till we find somewhere to stay, okay?"

"Sure, let's keep trudging through snow, see where it takes us. I thought this was a visit to some bastard of a Finder, not a freaking trek through miles of fucking snow." He was none too pleased.

"Yeah yeah, we all know you're as worried about him as I am," Lavi murmured, indicating Allen. "Thing is, I think this was really an ambush on Komui. I don't think there would be any Innocence here, even if people lived here." Kanda grunted. "That, and Allen cant sense it. So, were stuck here." Lavi was perfectly serious.

"We need to find a cave or something. Anything to get this idiot off my back," Kanda muttered, and Lavi squinted into the abyss of never-ending snow.

"I think we'll be walking for a while."

"Fucking brilliant."

Unknown to the two of them, Allen fell asleep on Kanda's back.

Lavi noticed it first. He glanced to the lump hanging off Kanda's shoulders, his hair even whiter than the flurries of snow that glided past his eyes. Kanda caught him looking, and their eyes met.

"His voice. I cant hear it anymore," Lavi whispered. He stopped. Kanda stopped, and nudged the lightweight he carried. There was no answer, no movement, barely any breath. He looked back to Lavi, who swallowed nervously.

"Allen? Hey, beansprout, all you can eat buffet " Lavi shouted, his tone over the top and annoyingly cheerful. He was smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. He tapped Allen's shoulder. Nothing. "Hey! Don't be such a sourpuss!" He was chuckling away, but even he knew it. Allen wasn't responding.

"Come on. Forget about the way he is," Kanda started walking again. "I think I see something up ahead. We'll worry about him later." Lavi

widened his eyes.

"We cant let him sleep, not when his wounds-"

"Forget it," Kanda bit out. "Beansprout knows I'll have his head on a platter if he thinks about leaving us. He's stronger than that."

"How can you be so sure? Allen's unconscious! He won't know-"

"Trust me. Out of everyone in the Black Order, Allen knows. He has to keep coming back. Otherwise, were all doomed, right?"

Lavi let it sink in before he began walking again. "It's too cold," he murmured. They both knew what he really meant.

* * *

_**A/N::**_Hey, guys! ^^ How's everyone been? Sorry I've taken so long to get back into the game. At the moment, I'm taking part in an online writing competition (Ya, we all know NaNoWriMo? Right?) and I'm kinda busy with that... So, if any of the details in this story don't add up, I'm so sorry! Let's just say this is one story I'm making up as I go along... I still have the next chapter to do on this 'fic... :D

Um... I've been reading D. Gray-Man... And yeah, it's absolutely amazing! I love Allen, and I think he's such a sweet character, so of course, knowing myself... I just love making my favourite characters suffer... ^^' *Sorry, Allen*

Love you all, guys, and thank you so much to everyone who's favourited and reviewed and following this! You guys are, as always, AWESOME! XD  
xxx


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

He was a stupid failure. He detested his weaknesses. He couldn't even help Lavi when he needed him most. He wrung his hands as he waited outside the infirmary doors. He gritted his teeth, and hung his head over his folded knees, allowing his head to fall onto them. It was dark, and no-one was around.

It was midnight.

And it was cold, lifeless, and deadly.

He listened, and heard nothing. Slowly, he propped his head up, and grinded his teeth. He should've been there, he should've stopped that near fatal blow.

The nurses said he was going to be fine, but all that blood... How it covered every inch of his tall frame, how he howled in pain... In all his life, it was one image that he'd never forget.

It reminded him too much of Mana when he died. He gripped his hands, trying to stop the shaking, when he heard it.

The Fourteenth was speaking to him.

_"Child, why are you in such pain? Your friend will be alright."_

He trembled, clutching his hands to his head in fistfuls. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to block that voice out, so hauntingly familiar, yet so terribly unknown.

"Please leave me alone. Please," he begged, whispering in the night.

_"I cant exactly leave, can I, Allen Walker? Besides, you look more like you'd jump out the nearest window if you were left to your own for much longer. You need someone to listen, right?"_

"I don't want to speak to you. You're taking over me, and when you eventually do, I'll be left behind."

His voice was wavering on the note of a semi-quaver, and he swallowed. It was too dark. There was no light. He still wore the blood stained clothes from earlier, splattered with rain and seeped through from the cold. But he couldn't feel anything other than the phantom pains of being utterly useless and incredibly alone.

"Idiot. Idiot. Idiot," he muttered again and again. Inside, he heard the Fourteenth sigh.

_"If you keep saying that, then even I'll start to believe it. And soon, you won't have any legs to carry you, because you will be burdened by the pain of being you, child."_

"No, I wont have any legs at all. Because you will kill me. I wont be me anymore."

_"Maybe. But, when I do find a way out, I will be expecting a fight, and if not for yourself, you can at least do that for your friends, cant you?"_

It wasn't inside him anymore. Allen looked up, and he saw Neah standing there, his hand raised and pointing outward to him, open, willing, waiting. There was a fatherly smile on his face. It was gentle, not the mask of a killer.

_"He will be fine, Allen Walker. He is sleeping. So, please, sleep for him, and for your friends. They were worried for you, when you came back carrying him. The young lady cried for you."_

Allen watched him. This was the man who was going to get rid of him, make sure he no longer existed. He wondered if somehow, his death would be a peaceful one, and if his friends would forget him.

He knew Kanda would have no problem with it. He'd rejoice the beansprout was gone to the grave.

He had nothing to live for. So, wordlessly, through the dark, he placed his hand in Neah's, and hoped, somehow, the end would come with no warning, no time to worry or fear. Because he wasn't sure how he would say goodbye. He wasn't sure if they would even care if he did.

Neah Walker tsked, shaking his head.

_"Stop thinking, child. Dream of happy days spent with Mana instead."_

Allen closed his eyes against the sudden, heartbreaking tears that formed there. For Lavi. For his End. For everyone he wished would remember him, soon, when there was no him to live among them.

So this was his killer.

He seemed nice enough.

Mana laughed in his mind, calling his name. He ran for him, arms wide open. He'd forgotten Neah altogether.

When Lenalee walked toward the infirmary the next morning, she found Allen asleep by it's doors, tears tracking down his face, the blood stains knotted into the clothes that were as tightly wrung as his hands, still fisted in his hair.

* * *

_**A/N::**_Wow. I get the feeling this is filler. Yup, a whole lotta filler. O.O

I may put this on a break for a while, until I finish my novel. *It's ALMOST done-first draft finale, HERE I COME!*

I hope you guys don't mind, but if I come up with more one-shots, I WILL stick 'em up for you guys. Promise. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and faved this. I LOVE YOU ALLL! XDD  
xxx


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N::_**If you've stuck to the manga, like I have, this is based after the Level Four attack on the Exorcists Headquarters. When a certain character died at the end of the attack, I just couldn't take it, and decided to re-arrange a little something, and came up with this. Yes, I cried when Tapp died. So, in this world at least, I wanted him to survive.

**Yes, I don't own **_DGM_**, and I claim no ties to them, but there are a lot of changes and differences between this chapter and the actual one, so please don't take offence if I bent the wonderfully bittersweet story Hoshino-san gave us. I just couldn't bear to see Allen cry for this.**

I'm sorry for taking a few week's grace from fanfiction. I had to. I had no choice. Work was piling up outside of the cyber world and I needed to get on top of it. I do hope everyone had a peaceful Christmas, and a lot of turkey! ;) I will try my best to keep updating as soon as possible, and I hope you'll stick with me until the very end!

_**Note::**_My most sincerest apologies for the mis-spelling of a certain character's name. My thanks must go out to_ Alex Penedo_, for pointing this out to me! It's Tapp, not Tarp! ;D

xxx

* * *

**Chapter Three**

"Lenalee..." Allen's breathed. He couldn't move his body, not after facing Level 4.

He was so tired.

".. You go get yourself seen to. I... can wait, a little while longer. It's okay..."

His eyes were closed, Link noticed. He didn't have the strength to look up to him. He couldn't move at all.

How could the Secretary see him as a threat? This kid was barely an _adult_. And even though he knew precisely how to kill any living thing with his bare hands, there was no way in hell he could do it without good reason.

"Lenalee is down among the rest of them," he said calmly as he walked over to Allen's slumped body. "Here, let me help."

"I'm fine, really. I'm okay," Allen whispered, again and again, as Link grabbed one wrist, then another. Allen winced, still not opening his eyes.

His hair, white as it was, was matted with dark, red blood. It wasn't Lenalee's, Link knew. It was his own.

The kid didn't have any strength to fight against him. He simply hung his head on Link's chest, and weakly placed a hand on his stomach.

"Please, go see to yourself-"

"I wasn't injured badly."

"But, still, someone else needs attention. I don't need... any help, I'm fine, really-"

"Do you ever stop to think of yourself, Allen?" Link asked suddenly. The kid took a second to answer, and as he didn't speak, Link wrapped both his arms around the kid and carefully maneuvered him onto his back. He could feel Allen tense under the sudden movement. "Come on, were going to the infirmary with you. The nurses are busy with the others-"

"How are they?" Allen muttered, his head buried into Link's neck. Link knew who he was talking about, and he nodded gravely.

"They're dying."

Allen started shaking. No whimper fell from his lips in a graceful whisper.

He was an angel without a voice.

"It's my fault. All my fault-"

"No, it's all of ours."

"I did this."

"No, you didn't-"

"It's because I'm not strong enough for everyone else. It's because I'm weak-"

It's because of you that we didn't all get blown to Hell, Link whispered mentally. Without you, or Lenalee, we were all screwed.

Link noted the tightening around his neck. Allen was squeezing his neck, tiredly.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry everyone."

Link turned around a corner, and found the main stone stairs. He stopped when he saw them. Allen hadn't noticed. If he wandered down those stairs, he'd see the devastation, and the kid was already torn up about the whole thing. Did he really need to see the damage? Did he need to hear their screams?

He sighed, then took the stairs. He'd have to see it at some point. The walls were destroyed, and hundreds of people were wandering the ground, aimlessly hanging around those left for dead. The nurses were there, in white coats, the doctors and anyone who could offer a hand or two walking around them, trying to save what was already lost.

Allen was watching. Link could feel his heart pounding through his back, and his warm breath came in faster whimpers.

"Let me down," he murmured as they started down the steps. Link remained resolute.

"No way."

"Please, I _have_ to help," Allen begged. Now he could hear the tears in his voice. His arms were gripping his neck like a vice. His strength was coming back in another adrenaline rush. "Please, I have to."

"I said no."

"Link-"

**_"No."_**

"But if I don't, then someone will die-"

Link stopped, and looked over his shoulder to Allen's tired eyes. The commotion below them reveled in pleads for revival and whimpers for death. The sand below them grew in piles, fast. And the tears grew endless. Yet, for all that, Allen's eyes were more expressive than the depression and death that hung below their feet.

He'd seen more than death with those eyes.

Link gently let him down, then held him when he swayed. He really was as light as a feather. Kanda had been right, when he, Lavi and the shortstack returned. Kanda was carting the kid on his back at the time. They had been in a cold country. He knew, because of the snow caked on the kid's hair.

Allen Walker would kill himself to do what was poetically right, even if it was theoretically wrong.

The Secretary didn't understand this kid. No-one would know how deep the ties of blood and death ran inside Allen Walker's body, like veins to it's mistress.

Allen's eyes flashed, set themselves into a glimmering passion that resonated within Link.

**_There._**

Link wasn't just looking at Allen. He was witnessing the Fourteenth. There they both stood, side by side.

Allen took the first step, faltered on his feet, and gritted his teeth.

The blood dripped from his body, but Link knew he didn't care. He could bleed for everyone in this room, if it would save them.

Link felt his hand drift past his as Allen ran out into the fray. Or maybe it was the Fourteenth.

Watching his back as he receded into the herds of people who hung over everyone, he wondered-

Was he watching the Fourteenth, or Allen Walker?

And if it was the Fourteenth, was he really such a bad person after all?

**"TAPP!"**Johnny wailed, and it caught Neah's attention.

The pain of feeling Allen's sadness caused the kid to blank out altogether. Level 4 was a strong Akuma.

Every one of these people were dying, and the kid genuinely believed it was all his own fault.

Allen slept, and the blood poured from his body in sweeps of red and dismal despair.

He knew he had to do something, before the kid gave himself up altogether. After he'd collapsed from the cold of the snowstorm a few weeks

ago, and watching him curled up against the infirmary door while his friend screamed bloody murder...

It was **enough.**

Allen didn't deserve this, not after everything he'd done for him.

The Innocence was strong enough to protect them, if the need arose.

He turned in Johnny's direction, and saw Lenalee hanging over a sandy body. There were ten of them. They were all crying, all desperate.

He didn't have much time. Allen's Innocence had better hold out until then.

Already, he could feel him waking from the faint. He was losing contact with this body, as weak and tired as it was. Better for the kid to collapse again than to give himself up to the Innocence dwelling inside of him, baying for his own fatal demise.

"Beansprout?!"

He didn't turn around. He watched Lenalee's face. She hadn't noticed him yet. Good. No-one was watching him. Everyone was too preoccupied with something else. He closed his eyes, and made a sign.

Crowned Clown awoke without a sound.

_"Why am I-" Allen whispered inside his head._ He grinned.

"Go back to sleep, Allen. Sweet dreams, for now," Neah whispered. Allen deserved a brief respite, at least, for now.

_"What-"_

A white circle glowed around him, and Allen's body was enveloped in light.

It was bringing them closer together, the endless tie that once marched for miles between them when Allen was a child, was now becoming taut. They were shackled, and every time Allen used Crowned Clown now, it brought them to the inevitable.

Eventually, Allen wouldn't be here. Not even close to Neah's heart. He would, eventually, fade away on a history page.

And that was what worried Neah most of all.

He should never have agreed to this bargain, but of course, years ago, the kid was just as giving as he was now. You couldn't kill a good thing either.

_"Would you remember me, even when I'm gone?"_

Neah shook his head. How could he forget?

The white light from the circle he'd created swallowed the room everyone stood in. None of them saw him, he hoped. He glowed silver, and inside him, the sleeping Allen glowed as well, brighter than the endless, hopeful stars at night. Brighter than the future that was waiting for the two of them.

_This was Allen's Innocence. _

This was his _Gift._

He hoped it was more than enough to save them all.

He thought he heard the sound of the sand-glass stop.

And he knew he heard Kanda yell Allen's name. He turned in his direction, and smiled when he found his face, black hair swiftly circling the breeze he'd called up, black eyes frantically searching Allen's face for any sign of Allen himself.

It was then that Allen laughed, not Neah.

And then Allen fell into the light.


End file.
